Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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