He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
