stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
