Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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