It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
