His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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