the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
