I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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