I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
