You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
