Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize