Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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