Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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