Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
