That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
