I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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