my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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