Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize