Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
