I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
True college students do jello shots in the library
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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