we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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