Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
