I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize