I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
