i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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