My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
