I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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