Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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