Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.

Fav 28 1201 5684
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(319): View more from Iowa

Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.

Fav 12 1101 4025
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(609): View more from New Jersey

ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Fav 13 5489 1008
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(504): View more from Louisiana

i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls

Fav 12 5148 1304
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(513): View more from Ohio

Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

Fav 96 13848 2783
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.

Fav 16 1129 6598
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(407): View more from Florida

Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?

Fav 4 2240 3406
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(302): View more from Delaware

Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning

Fav 0 367 519
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/

Fav 0 34 14
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