she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
