I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
