ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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