...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
