i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
