I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
