I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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