first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
