So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
