remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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