I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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