I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
