i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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