literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
