with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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