Yo dont text me then not text me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
