I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Two words: blizzard sex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
