my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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