Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
