She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
