God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
