Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
