I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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