Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
