today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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