He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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