So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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