U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize