the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
