i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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