Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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