maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I could have mohawked her pubes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
