How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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