hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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