Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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