I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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