I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you never un-have a 4some
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
