My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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