it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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