I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
