There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
