time to smoke my breakfast
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
