I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
