I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
